A Woman's Guide To Saner Living

How Is Your Infrastructure?

I have been thinking about the state of our country's economy and the fragile infrastructure that supports not only our economy, but our roads, bridges and other vital support systems.  It seems an overwhelming yet vital task to rework and reinforce the worn-out systems that we depend on to live and thrive. The most effect we can have on achieving this goal is to elect the right officials, otherwise it seems out of our hands.  But what about our own infrastructure?  How do we take care of our bodies, souls, relationships?  This is our responsibility, no one else will be elected to this task. When our personal systems are healthy and strong inside and out, our energy is vibrant.  This vibrant energy can contribute to make a stronger and better world.  

I have discovered a couple of websites that are designed to help people focus on personal changes.   Check them out and set some goals to improve your infrastructure!

http://www.wellsphere.com

http://www.sparkpeople.com

What Brings Beauty Into Your Life?

Beauty is the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).  Inviting beauty into our lives in a conscious way or noticing the beauty around us is a powerful antidote to the stress and strain of everyday living.  Today I had an hour open up unexpectedly and decided to go to the farmer's market.  The market was bustling with  shoppers eager to fill their totes with fresh seasonal vegetables and fruits; raspberries, blueberries,  tomatoes and cucumbers.  Fresh cut flowers were beautifully arranged in glass jars with a price of only six dollars!  I stuffed my basket full of these colorful and aromatic goodies and happily walked to my car.  As I drove to my office I watched the parade of cars streaming to the Ann Arbor Art Fair.  The city was pulsing with abundance and creativity.  The feeling of aliveness in the city felt beautiful and contagious.  I returned to work with my basket of beauty feeling saner. 

What does beauty mean to you?  How do you invite beauty into your life?  Surround yourself with beauty for saner living!

beauty. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved July 16, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty

A Wonderful Website On Gratefulness

I came across a truly wonderful website, www.gratefulness.org, which takes you deeply into the idea of what it means to live gratefully.  You can walk a labyrinth, light a candle and do some practices on grateful living.  Some topics they explore are creativity, fear/peace, grief/joy and simple living.

They describe their website in their own words as follows:
A Network for Grateful Living is a worldwide community of grateful people, and this website is its online hub. Gratefulness.org facilitates community interaction by providing a set of practices and tools for cultivating gratefulness.

What a wonderful path to Saner Living!  Check it out!

A Poem About Truth

A different death

by Stephen Levine

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What a terrible delight the truth is

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The song fills the body
going down through the soles
to connect into the earth.
Songs from the crown of the head
and the soles of the feet
are equally authentic.

Tuning up it says:
We are all carrying the maximum load
allowable by Law.  Everyone is burning at the edge
and beyond, so the unexplored
may be illuminated.

What a terrible delight the truth is.
Neither ecstasy nor suicide can reach it.
It destroys only what seemed real.
It destroys all that suffers.
It displays the perfect justice of boundless space.

Truly naked beneath this worn old body,
embarrassed by the trappings of flesh and word
I bow again and again
hoping to catch a glimpse
of grace on the rise.

Reprinted from Breaking the Drought, © 2008 Stephen Levine, by permission of Larson Publications, http://www.larsonpublications.com/

Image by:  Claire Prucher Epperly
 

No Words Needed

Whose Energy Is In Your Soul Tank?

How do you know when you are giving away too much of your self?  We have a finite amount of energy that fuels our mind, body and spirit.  When we give away more energy than we take in our Soul Tanks fill up with other people's energy.  Soul Tanks are personal energy reservoirs, which can be drained by overdoing for others while not paying attention to personal needs. When our Soul Tanks are full of other people's energy then our true self is covered up and ignored. Ideally there needs to be a balance of energy exchange in giving and receiving in order to have a Soul Tank full of vibrant energy.  When our Soul Tanks are full of vibrant energy we are happier and attract people and situations that enhance our lives and deepen our relationship with ourselves. 

The chart below can be help you learn more about the concept of Responsive To vs. Responsible For.  You can use these concepts to guide you towards having a Soul Tank full of vibrant life enriching energy.

When I Feel Responsible For Others

I…      Fix, Protect, Rescue, Control, Carry their feelings, Don’t listen

I Feel…  Tired, Anxious, Fearful, Angry

I  Focus On…  The answers, Solutions, Being right

I am a manipulator and expect others to live up to my expectations

When I feel Responsive To Others

I…  Show empathy, Share, Encourage, Confront, Listen, Am Sensitive

I Feel…  Relaxed, Free, Aware, Good About Myself

I Focus On…  Relating Person to Person, Feelings, The Person

I believe that if I just share myself the other person has enough information to make decisions

I am a guide

I expect the other person to take care of themselves and be responsible for their own actions

I trust and let go

What Do You Want?

I think it's important to know what we want in order to have a fulfilling life.   Many of us have been told as kids that it is selfish to want.  And, because of women's unique psychology, it feels particularly selfish for many women to focus on self-needs and self-wants. We get satisfaction from helping other people live better lives. But, when we place the needs and wants of others before we take care of ourselves, we are putting our life on hold.  The result is depletion, dis-ease, resentment, depression and many other unhealthy responses.  We have to know what we want and allow ourselves to go after our wants in order to be truly and healthily helpful to others.  So how do we begin living more fully into and with ourselves? 
Here are some beginning steps.

1. Set a daily intention, such as;  "Today my intention is to focus on what I want".
2. Let yourself know that this practice will feel selfish for awhile, but that the feeling will ease over time.
3. Buy a small notebook that can travel easily with you.  Write down at least three small daily wants for the day and make them happen.  Examples:  Today I want to figure out what my wants are.  Today I want to exercise for 20 minutes.  Today I want to spend time with my son.  Today I want to write for 15 minutes.

Use your daily WANT journal regularly and you will feel more connected to yourself.  This is a great platform from which you can be there for others.

Remote Control Living

Imagine a remote control device that is used to direct your life.  With this device you could go back to times past or skip to future scenes.  You could pull up information about life episodes and even have the capability to put settings in your life menu that would program the life you want.  You could select OK to live in the present, rather than skip from the past to the future.  I bet by now you are thinking that would be awesome, then you could really have the life you want! 

The truth is you already have the mechanism to control where and how you want to live.  It's inside you.  A client recently told me that at the end of a month she realizes that she can't remember any of the days that made up that month.  She wants to grab her life back!

Who is in charge of your life remote control? Do you leave your remote out for others to use?  Is someone else pushing your buttons?   Are you ruminating over past hurts?  Are you living in some desired future?

Saner Living is about self-choice and self-control.  It's about living in the present.  The good news is that you can live more sanely.  A good first step is to breathe deeply and focus on what you want.  Make this a daily practice.

Kindness, Like a Boomerang, Always Returns ~ Author Unknown

Is it true that kindness always returns?  I think it often returns or perhaps it returns in unexpected ways, but I am not sure it always returns.  We may be looking for kindness from one source and focus on our unhappiness when kindness does not come back as expected. And, by focusing on our unhappiness, we miss the unexpected popping up of kindness when it does occur. Planting seeds of unconditional kindness is the practice of an open-hearted soul.  When we are kind because it makes us feel good to operate from a personal value, we feel good regardless of whether others are kind or not.  When we are kind from a need to be liked or to get something back, we set ourselves up for disappointment. When we are busy defining what kindness looks or feels like, that is, what form it should take, then we are trying to control the flow of kindness. 

This week I encourage all of us to practice Random Acts of Kindness -- to scatter these seeds for the greater good.  Try to be in a state of unconditional giving and receiving and see what happens.

OWN IT BEFORE YOU GIVE IT AWAY

Women are natural caretakers conducting their lives like a maestro conducts a symphony. They share resources and give suggestions in order to be helpful to others.  This generosity of spirit often touches my heart as I listen to clients, friends and family members describe their multiple acts of kindness. What women hasn’t said at one time or another, “I’ve got to tell so and so about this”? As wonderful as this gift is, women in their desire to be helpful can give away ideas and resources before they have had a chance to use these suggestions for their own growth.  I think that suggestions fall into different categories; generic suggestions are things such as passing information on about a great sale at a favorite store or a heads up regarding a road slowdown, while personal suggestions are ideas or resources that one needs for their own growth.  When a woman gives away a personal suggestion before she has fully applied it to her own life, it’s like stopping an antibiotic before the pills have run out, you only get a partial treatment so the infection is likely to reoccur. For example, a woman who is having difficulty in a friendship comes across a CD that discusses the landscape of female friendships. She purchases the CD, puts it in her car so she can listen to it as she drives and tells all her female friends about the CD. After all, she knows that many of her friends are going through similar issues. She is so busy taking care of her friends that she has left little time to deeply listen to the CD, apply it to her own life and make the necessary changes to the friendship that feels troubling. This is where OWN IT BEFORE YOU GIVE IT AWAY comes into play. It’s important and okay to keep ideas, suggestions  and resources to oneself until it has settled inside like a good friend. Then when you share your find you will also share your wisdom with an energy that is self-loving and other-loving.